This is a guide to clogging your drain, and ruining the internal plumbing in your house. We understand that unpleasant odor, dysfunctional showers, and a general malaise of anything associated with indoor plumbing is highly desirable. By following these easy steps you can assure that no one will ever visit your house, purchase it, or approach within 100 yards of it.
Flush Everything Down the Toilet and Drain
Hair, soap, fat, oils, toys, paper towels, diapers, reams of paper, tin foil, and plastic, are all suitable objects for stopping up your pipes. Using your toilet and drain as a garbage disposal will indubitably prevent the free flow of water in the intricate labyrinth that is your plumbing system. We at Parker and Sons find that those homeowners who carelessly flush whatever the please into their toilet enjoy the highest frequency and the greatest degree of pipe clogging.
Call an Amateur
In order to guarantee that the plumbing in your home rarely functions properly, it is best to call someone who knows not what they’re doing. They will lay pipe so that there is severe water flow issues in your house. This will not only lead to weak water pressure, but it will also invite debris to accumulate in your plumbing system and clog up the pipes so that they won’t work. If you’re really lucky, the plumber will misalign your pipes, and the whole system may even collapse completely!
Obviously, this blog is farcical and flagrantly sarcastic. At Parker and Sons, we would never actually encourage people to block up their pipes. In fact, we have bad dreams about the content of this blog manifesting in reality. Always take care of your plumbing system, and your house will pay you back tenfold. When it comes to plumbing, the following maxim always applies—the more you give the more your get.